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Hey, happy... uhhhh... 3rd blog post of 2009. I'm gonna skip the apologies and cut to the chase: even if I've basically abandoned this blog, I have really been enjoying my little tradition of posting dream illustration highlights from the year and like hell I'm going to stop now. I mean, I already decided the highlights and posted them on LJ so I might as well post there here too. I definitely didn't make as many dream illustrations this year, but that had nothing to do with the dreams and everything to do with personal life stuff. ANYWAY... here we go.
The Doctor Will See You Now
The Forgers' Hideout
Can Cats Speak to the Cosmos?
Hide and Seek
Another Dream About Cats Watching the World End
A lot of solitary, vaguely apocalyptic dreams this year... I mean, the world's supposed to be ending in 2012, right? I guess I have 3 years to interpret what these mean and then save the world! Wait, it's almost 2010 so... I guess that means I have TWO years.
Sophomore year is DONE and I'm excited as hell for the summer. Taylor and I have a bunch of cool plans for the summer before she starts college in the fall. Luckily she's staying in town so we'll still be able to hang out. I'm a little worried for school next year without Taylor there, but she was telling me yesterday that she was kinda in my position when I met her... like all of her friends had been upperclassmen so when they graduated, she didn't have any friends at school anymore. So who knows, maybe I'll end up befriending some lonely freshman who really needs a friend. :)
Also, just want to say... I'm okay! I got a concerned email from someone after my last blog because it seemed so angry. If you haven't been following my LJ, I guess it might seem kinda harsh... and I know that not all of my friends from the boards have LJ so I'm not saying it's your fault for not keeping up with that. But... you know, sometimes things are justified. I've tried to keep this blog mostly happy recently and... well, I haven't been posting much, have I?
Eek, sorry about the months in between posting. I ought to just stop apologizing before "sorry I haven't posted" becomes the only thing I ever post on here... blegh. Anyway, in my last post (literally last year WTF?) I mentioned that I had a funny story about "owning" my weirdness and some recent developments have made that story more relevant haha. So... long story short, I decided "fuck it, if you assholes are going to act like I'm some creep, I'm gonna be a creep!" and... well, let's just say I have perfected the "Your Mom" joke and turns out it's actually "Your Recently Deceased Grandma" and it's not that she's so fat, it's that she's disappointed in how frequently you jerk off. The funniest thing to me is that I think there are a lot of people at school who didn't think my weirdness was Real or whatever, but now they're leaving me alone and acting legitimately nervous around me. It's like they don't even know that you can Google obituaries.
Anyway, the whole thing is just super ironic because they created this monster (I'm the monster, sup) because it was entertaining for them when occult stuff was Creepy Cool, and then casting me out was an easy way for them to all say "oh look I'm All Grown Up now because I don't think that's interesting anymore" without any effort. And it's not like I was being Creepy or whatever when they were all shunning me... I wasn't DOING anything, but everyone just kept being like "ooohhhh remember when Jeanie pretended to go into trances or whatever back in fifth grade" instead of "ooohoohoho remember when we made Jeanie predict if boys had crushes on us and stopped caring about any other part of her personality because we couldn't easily exploit it" and "oohHHHHhahoohohhh remember when Jeanie was the only one at the sleepover who thought ouija boards were stupid because they're manufactured by fucking HASBRO but we made her guide the planchette anyway because we only gave her attention for being the Spooky Psychic One!!!1"
And now they're like.... oh shit... how does she know that... oh hell no how did she guess that? like... hmm... I don't know, maybe while I was spending YEARS being bullied by you scumlords I was paying attention... surprise...
tl;dr I'm the real Jersey Devil but I couldn't have done it without You. :)
Happy Holidays and happy ALMOST 2009! I have cool news to share... my photography was shown in an end of the semester student showcase! :D Anyway, I liked what I did last year with my little "Year in Dream Illustrations" highlights, so I thought I'd do it again for 2008! Without further ado...
Where the Waves Break
The Fire is Silent at the End of the World
The Voice of the Storm
The Boy in the Graveyard
Fire All the Way Down
Definitely noticed some trends this year... I became a much more active participant in my dreams this year rather than just observing... there sure were a lot of intimidating encounters with disembodied voices and women that, if I were religous, I'd 100% be calling angels and goddesses. Taylor keeps telling me I should just own it and tell everyone I'm the 21st century Joan of Arc, but I think everyone probably has dreams like this, they just don't have as good dream recall. I do have a funny story about "owning" my weirdness though, but that might be for another blog post ;)
I'm SIXTEEN now! Sorry I've been so bad about updating this blog...
GO OBAMA!!!!! I've never actually been proud to be an American but today I am!
The summer is wrapping up sadly but it's been really fun. In cool news, I am officially registered for Photography classes at school this year!!
Ack! Sorry! I know I said I was going to keep this blog updated but then school and life hit me hard. But hey, it's summer now! Taylor just posted some photos of me as Ophelia (like I'm in the water and everything!) that she took for her Photography final project, so you should go check out her Flickr if you want to see those. :) I'm not very photogenic but she's a wizard who can make anyone look good.
I made a Livejournal because Taylor says they're cool so I might be posting less on here now... I'm not sure! I like that there are privacy settings because then I know for sure that my parents aren't reading about me breaking into graveyards at night LOL (although I don't really want them to know about either blog...). But I also like that no one I know in real life knows about this blog, not even Taylor. I'm too nervous to tell anyone about this one because if ANYONE from school found it they would literally tear me apart. Anyway I will try to keep updating this one but I'm glad that I'll have a more private place to blog about the more... personal stuff?
Oh and by the way, Taylor won the bet.
I dyed my hair for the first time!! Taylor's hands (and my hairline) are super stained and we have a bet now to see if it fades before school on Monday. My vote is no. Stay tuned.
Happy 2008!!! Winter break has been pretty uneventful but it's been a very nice break from school. I've been spending most of my time reading tutorials and playing around with camera settings. I found some stuff about aura photography that was pretty cool, although it reminded me of sleepovers when my ex-friends and I would pretend we could see each other's auras or whatever. This was obviously back before they thought that sort of thing was weird and uncool...
I can't believe 2007 is almost over... Taylor and I were talking about how we will be very glad if we never have to hear Hey There Delilah again after January 1st but I think we all know that's not going to happen... sigh.
Anyway a lot happened this year and I'm in a much better place now than I was even 3 months ago. As a sort of "Goodbye, 2007" thing, I am going to post a few of my favorite dream diary illustrations (photomanipustrations...?) I made this year. If you want to see the high-res versions of them and read the dream descriptions, I've included links to my original Dreamtalking posts.
Through the Locker Glass
Definitely had some recurring dream themes this year! I'm curious what I'll dream about in 2008. Maybe the people in my dreams who give me their screennames will finally exist in real life when I try to chat with them... ;)
Happy December! I have officially joined Flickr (still going to post my photomanips on dA until further notice because a lot of my art uses stock that's supposed to stay on dA) and Taylor and I have been taking a lot of photos lately! I just added a bunch of photos from our recent adventures to Ringwood Manor and this abandoned building we found on the side of the road, so check those out if you have a free moment!
Happy birthday to me...! I'm 15 now and I can really safely say I am excited to leave age 14 behind... I'm optimistic about age 15, though! My mom and dad got me a bag for my camera so now I don't have to worry so much about accidentally breaking it when I take it around with me! I also got some books and a set of pencils and charcoal. I'm excited to try them out! Stay tuned for updates to my dA in the coming weeks...
TAYLOR POSTED THE PHOTOS FROM HALLOWEEN ON HER FLICKR (I added a link to her account on my "Cool Links" page so go check it out!) AND THEY LOOK SO GOOD!! Even though they're like... bad flash photography at night and we were just kinda messing around, I still love them. Also, I made this quick photomanip because I keep dreaming about something like this:
I didn't want to write about this when it was starting because I was so afraid I would jinx it but... I think I have a real friend again.
Her name is Taylor and she's a junior. Which is cool because she says she literally doesn't care at all about what stupid rumors a bunch of freshmen are spreading. She's in Photography Club and we didn't start talking until the second week of clubs and she's just... really cool. I didn't think she wanted to be my friend or anything because she's an upperclassman and also cool and also no oen wants to be my friend, but then during clubs the next week she was super nice to me again and told me to swing by the photo room after school. I almost didn't go because I thought it might be a prank but I'm so glad I did because she was just hanging out editing on the computers. She does all of her editing at school which is so weird to think about for me because I always just want to get away from there as soon as possible, but it is true that the school computers have good programs on them so why not use them.
Anyway it's kinda embarassing to be this excited about making a friend but I'm still going over the past few weeks in my head trying to make sense of everything because last night we hung out outside of school and it was so awesome and I really know that I'm not about to get punk'd or something now.
So I wasn't going to do anything for Halloween this year because I didn't want to be the weird 9th grader trick-or-treating by herself for a few reasons. And I obviously was not invited to the big Halloween party that all the other kids in my grade are going to, not that I would want to go even if I had been. So I wasn't really sure what I was going to do other than stay at home and watching scary movies and maybe give out candy to kids and pray no one I know rings the doorbell. But then Taylor was waiting by my locker after school and asked me if I wanted to hang out with her that night to take photos around town. And... well, I wasn't planning on doing anything else, so I said sure.
I didn't dress up at all because I didn't want to show up at her house like "Look at me! I'm still 14 and I want to go trick-or-treating!" but then when I got there, she was wearing vampire fangs and old fashioned men's clothes and stuff. I told her I hadn't brought anything and she let me borrow some stuff she had lying around from an old photoshoot. So I ended up wearing an old nightgown and we drew little bite marks on my neck and had fake blood dripping down from it. Together, we looked like an awesome vampire and vampire-to-be, and I'm pleased to say that neither of us sparkled.
We started out just taking photos around her neighborhood. Some of the houses were REALLY decorated and it was fun to play around with angles and lighting to make them look even spookier. Taylor got some photos of trick-or-treaters, but I mostly stuck to trees and houses for my subject matter. We had to go back to Taylor's house to get me a jacket because the nightgown wasn't warm enough, which messed up my costume a little bit but I wasn't freezing to death so I guess it was worth it.
After a while, we got bored of taking photos in Taylor's neighborhood and we decided it would be fun to go out to an old cemetery. This is the part where I pray my parents never find this blog because they would be so pissed if they found out haha. We had to hop the fence to get in, which was kinda hard in a nightgown but I made it work. We took some photos (which probably aren't great but I do wonder if there will be orbs in them...) and saw a cat, which was TERRIFYING until we realized what it was. After getting spooked by the cat, we decided we should head back to the car and then we headed back into town all full of adrenaline.
I had such a hard time falling asleep last night, which sucked kinda because I had school in the morning today, but I don't really care. My dreams were... at what point do weird dreams become normal? My dreams last night were weird BECAUSE they were so normal. No sleep paralysis, no looming sense of doom... it was nice. The cat from the cemetery made an appearance, but it was like the fabric of reality broke for a second and copied and pasted it until there were three of it all looking at me with eyes lit up by Taylor's camera flash. I guess that part of the dream was kinda creepy... I've been drawing cats in the margins of my notes all day and I don't think I made the connection until right now.
OKay, this has been TOO long so it's time to stop writing! I'll post a more thorough description of the dream on Dreamtalking because the more I think about the cat, the more weird details I'm starting to recall... but for now, I need to do my homework... ugh.
School is still bad. I just want to sleep all the time but then I sleep and it's just nightmares and feeling like I'm dying and things watching me and I'm so tired all the time. I hate school. Writing blog entries like this just makes me feel even more miserable so I think I'm going to stop writing now. I'd go outside to take some photos but it's raining and I don't want to ruin the only good thing I have left.
I'm so mad right now. THe girl from my lunch block started avoiding me last week and I didn't know why...? She has been sitting at another table and not looking at me at all when she walks by me so today I finally went up and asked her what was going on and she didn't even answer me her NEW FRIEND did and said that they had been protecting her and that they told her all about me so she didn't have to find out the hard way. She didn't say anything she didn't even LOOK at me when her new BITCHY friends laughed at me and she just kept looking away when I left crying so yeah today SUCKED. I don't know why I thought this would be any different I'm so mad!
So it's not a new student but... I might be making a new friend? There's a girl in my lunch block who has been sitting by herself too and I decided to go sit with her yesterday. She said all of her friends are in the other lunch block. She must be from a different middle school because I've never met her before. Anyway, we chatted during lunch and then today we sat together again! I don't have any classes with her which kind of sucks but it's still nice to have someone to talk to at lunch. She's really nice and she's into drawing so maybe we can both join the art club!
So... my first week of high school is over and... well, I won't lie. 9th grade sucks. Luckily the school is bigger than my middle school so it's easier to avoid my old friends but it's not like they are the only ones being jerks. I didn't realize that people were going to keep acting like children in high school but apparently they are... I'm just kind of crossing my fingers that we'll get a new student who sits next to me in class and I can introduce myself to her before anyone else can make up more fake stuff about me to spread. I know that's not really likely but I can dream, right?
Well today I'm wearing all black because JK ROWLING DECIDED TO KILL OFF MY FAVORITE CHARACTER. HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME???? In less TERRIBLE news I put together a pretty good costume for the midnight release party. Sadly I didn't get any photos of it because we were in a hurry (it was VERY last minute) but trust me... I looked really good!
I feel like my dreams are so much weirder in the summer but maybe it's just because I have more free time to think about them... Lately they've been weirder than ever and I actually have been avoiding posting about them on the dream diary board because of it. I know it will probably help me to get back into that habit because the community on there is so helpful (THANK YOU to iwakeidream7 for telling me about sleep paralysis last year! You were such a lifesaver and I don't mean the nasty candy!) I've been trying to use my photomanips to capture my dreams but sometimes it's so hard... and then sometimes I feel like I'm just making the same image over and over again! My notebooks aren't any better by the way they're all full of the same drawings and you'd think I'd be getting better at drawing trees since I'm drawing them all the time and practice makes perfect but... no they still look bad.
I know I said I was making this page into a blog but I guess my life isn't that eventful... in fact, the funnest stuff in my life right now is probably happening online, so it's more like I need to update the people in the real world about what I've been doing on the computer. Anyway yesterday was the 4th of July and we went to see the fireworks at the high school. It was kind of awkward because I ran into some of my old friends who ditched me last year and... okay it was really awkward. They were hanging out with their new friends and I swear Kelsey kept looking right over at me and then laughing with Hailey. It sucked. I can't believe we were ever friends. But the silver lining is I made some cool art when I got home... I had some old photos from sleepovers and birthday parties with them and let's just say those photos are MUCH better now. I'm not going to post these on dA or the board because they aren't polished and I'm not pretending they are--that's not what they're about! But I'll put a few of them here:
Now that I've moved all of my art over to deviantART, I'm turning this page into a blog! I won't be updating the gallery on here anymore. If you aren't on dA, I will still be posting my stuff on the Manip Magic board too!